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Christy

"I feel like what really amplified this joy that I have is my queerness and how I came full term into accepting it. I had to unlearn homophobia, even though I was always gay, I had to unlearn so many things. I grew up very religious, and I remember the moment when I realized ‘Oh I cant be gay’, my dad was like ‘God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve’. And I knew in that moment I have to hate gay people. I was probably about 7 years old when I knew I had these feelings for girls; all my friends were handing out valentines to boys and was like 'Eeh can I give them to my best friend?’. I tried to ignore those feelings but every time I tried, as I got older, as a teenager, I still would find myself attracted to girls and would even have these little girlfriends. When I was 15, I had a girlfriend, even though she wasn’t actually my girlfriend because she had a boyfriend. One day near the 4 train, he said 'I know that you're talking to my girlfriend’, and he literally punched me so hard in the face. From there I said ‘I cant do this, this is bad, this is going to get me hurt, Im going to hurt people, I cant do this’ and I decided Im going to date guys. I got married to a man, I had a kid, and I told myself im going to be in this zone. But even in that time of being married to a man, there was infidelity because I cheated on him with a woman. I was so pained, because it wasn’t just about being with a women and having sex with a woman, I was trapped, I needed to be free. I am now. I have a partner, we’ve been together for 2 years. This was about my freedom and I felt like if I didn’t acknowledge it, I was going to die. So finally I said fuck religion, fuck everybody, If you don’t love me, fuck you, Im a black lesbian woman and everyone has to get over it. I came out during the time my mother got deported, so it was a weird time for everybody, there was so much pain. I shaved my head after she got deported, it used to be super long, everyone was like “What are you doing??” then I just showed up with a girlfriend. When I went to go visit my mom, I brought my girlfriend with me and she was like ‘That doesn’t matter, I accept you'"


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